Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
