Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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