ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
