dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
