A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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