Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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