everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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