There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
