Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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