he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
wow bdsm is so cute
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