guys are only as good as the porn they watch
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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