last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Randomize
