We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Randomize
