Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
