U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I could have mohawked her pubes.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
