Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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