Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You ruined the universe
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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