wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
