Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
