He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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