are you still at the devil's house?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
tell your sister to shave her snatch
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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