It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
