I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
there is glitter all over my balls
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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