There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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