I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The adults are the big ones right?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
