Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Pants 0. Shit 1.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
