my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
