i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
