Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Girls should come with a carfax report
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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