swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
