I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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