At least make sure they are 18
Why
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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