So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
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