You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
