Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
