Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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