So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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