i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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