If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's blow job season.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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