she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
