tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
