I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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