My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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