and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
is that a dick in a sweater?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
