Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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