There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
