I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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