When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
