he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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