maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
