My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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