oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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