you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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