I'm laying in your front yard are you home
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
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