why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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