I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
