I puked a lego.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
