you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
