Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
