So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
