Swine flu. Run for my life!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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