did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
