Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
