And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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