Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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