so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Operation Purity has been aborted
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
