I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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